Summary of “The Challenges of Anxious-Avoidant Relationships”

There are so many ways to be unhappy in love, but one kind which modern psychology has given particular attention to are relationships, very high in number, in which one of the parties is defined as avoidant in their attachment patterns – and the other as anxious.
What makes things even more complicated and very combustible is that Avoidant and Anxious people are frequently drawn to forming couples where their varied emotional quirks contribute to an especially fraught combination.
Tragically, this avoidant party triggers every insecurity known to their anxious lover.
Under pressure to be warmer and more connected, the avoidant partner instinctively withdraws and feels overwhelmed and hounded.
Underneath their silence, the avoidant one resents feeling, as they put it, ‘controlled’; they have the impression of being got at, unfairly persecuted and disturbed by the other’s ‘neediness’.
There is an immense difference between acting out on one’s avoidant or anxious impulses – and, as would be preferable, understanding that one has them, grasping where they came from and explaining to ourselves and others why they make us do what we do.
There are few things more romantic, in the true sense, than a couple who have learnt to tell one another with wit and composure that they have been triggered in an avoidant or an anxious direction, but are doing everything they can to get on top of things – and hope to be normal again in a little while.
To help dispel the slight taboo which sometimes surrounds it, we have created a welcoming home for psychotherapy for when you feel stuck in a rut, anxious about your relationships or simply unsure about what’s going on in your life.

The orginal article.