Summary of “Why the old way of parenting no longer works”

Today’s children tend to roam the world as independent contractors, and are taught to focus more on individual achievement rather than their contributions to family, neighborhoods and friends.
“There are no longer these straight lines of authority. The boss is no longer in charge of the dad, the dad is no longer in charge of the mom, and the mom is no longer in charge of the kids. They are growing up in a culture of democracy and equality and they feel that,” she explained, referring to the changes in workplaces, homes and schools that have led to more decision-making by committee.
Today’s parents, she explained, are looking to foster a “Close connected nurturing relationship, which science tells us is good for their well-being, while also having consequences that children would respect.” This is a parenting style many refer to as “Authoritative.”
The key to getting today’s children to behave is forgoing the fear-based methods of yesteryear and helping them learn how to self-regulate instead. Lewis’ book wisely refrains from prescribing one particular method, and instead looks at a number of approaches to helping children learn self-control and how they play out in different scenarios.
“Punishment is something imposed on a less powerful person by a more powerful person. It sets up our children to want power and control,” she said.
“Consequences teach us a lesson, and allow children to learn by the situation. What happens when I forget my sweatshirt? I am a bit chilly. It’s a cleaner lesson, and works much faster.”
While allowing older children to sort out conflicts on their own can be an effective way of presenting them with natural consequences and reducing future arguments, little children are ineligible for a mostly hands-off approach.
Not as a panacea, because there is no such thing when it comes to regulating most adults’ emotions, let alone our children’s.

The orginal article.