Summary of “Burned out and overwhelmed: should you embrace the joy of no?”

It is on the cover of two new books, The Joy of No by Debbie Chapman, published at the end of last year, and The Joy of Missing Out, by the philosopher and psychologist Svend Brinkmann, published earlier this month.
As Brinkmann writes in The Joy of Missing Out – his reversal of the Twitter phenomenon #Fomo, the fear of missing out – there is intense and growing pressure to go out more, acquire more, and just be more.
The wish to say no instead of saying yes, to stay in instead of going out, to discard instead of to accumulate – these are all logical responses to our feelings of being overstretched, overtired and overwhelmed.
He says: “I think that once a tendency or a counter-tendency starts to trend in this way, it becomes part of the culture it wants to critique or resist. It enters the circuit of anxiety.” Inevitably we begin asking ourselves, are we saying no enough? Are we missing out enough? Are we not working enough? As we strive to embrace the virtues of restraint, of doing less, of leaving space, we risk destroying that which we seek.
You are missing out on absolutely everything and feeling very smug about it, too.
Such big questions can be addressed by psychoanalysis, says Cohen, since, “Uniquely to itself, it encourages us to ask questions about how we live that we are allowed to sit with, and turn over, and not feel under pressure to resolve. It asks us to be with the question rather than leap to the answer.” He also suggests taking a long walk with no destination in mind, or meeting a friend without a time limit or agenda – in other words, trying to create an expanse in your life that is not hemmed in by time, space, or purpose.
As for #Jono and #Jomo – well, for me, saying no and missing out are not where I find my joy.
Cohen says: “If you read the great poets of joy, like Rilke, they think of joy as something fleeting. There is something sad about it, because one feels its passing as one experiences it – it is not some kind of permanent aspiration, a solid state.” It is a word that loses all meaning when it is part of a hashtagged acronym.

The orginal article.