Summary of “Maybe You Don’t Know What Love Is”

Getting Stuck on Conditional Relationships Not everyone grows out of these conditional relationships.
The problem with conditional relationships is that they inherently prioritize something else above the relationship.
Relationships Based on Unconditional Love This transitory nature of conditional relationships is usually something people can only see with the passage of a sufficient amount of time.
As most people age, most of them come to prioritize unconditional relationships – relationships where each person is accepted unconditionally for whoever he or she is, without additional expectations.
Unconditional relationships are relationships where both people respect and support each other without any expectation of something in return.
People who enter into conditional relationships enter into them for the simple reason that these relationships feel really good, yet they never stop to question why it feels so good.
Because if any of them ever has an answer other than, “It would change nothing,” then you probably have a conditional relationship on your hands – i.e., you don’t have a real loving relationship where you think you do.
If you want to remove or repair the conditional relationships in your life and have strong unconditional relationships, you are going to have to piss some people off.

The orginal article.

Summary of “‘I feel bombarded with to-dos’: the hell of life admin”

According to one 2018 survey of 2,000 Brits, the average adult carries out 109 life admin tasks a year, from sorting out car insurance to paying council tax; about half the respondents admitted they struggled to keep up with household paperwork.
Life admin might be at once the most boring and overwhelming anxiety of our age: look closely, and we are procrastinating and blind panicking our way into an organisational crisis.
Now I’m 31, and my inability to manage life admin has become a shameful character flaw.
My admin ineptitude still makes me feel I’m lacking a fundamental piece of the “Adult” jigsaw.
“A lot of my admin is keyboard-mediated – for example, I do my bank accounts online. My dad gave my mum the household cash each week and she separated it into different old handbags. If she wanted something, she’d go to the relevant handbag and see what she had in notes and small change. And if you needed the bank, you had to go there. For my parents, there seemed to be fewer things to think about. I now feel bombarded with to-dos, but many of them take no time at all. I can hit a button and it’s done. The quality of the interaction is different, and perhaps that’s why it can feel like drudge work – there’s rarely a human there.”
Emens argues that, “Certain features of modern life make admin more pervasive. One of them is the rise of the bureaucratic state: we have more paperwork to complete, particularly around things like weddings, divorces, births and deaths. And another is technology, so admin reaches us with greater insistence and frequency. People expect us to respond to emails and texts; there’s an escalation of demands.” And where once we might have outsourced the business of booking a holiday, or the drudgery of filling in our tax return to an expert, we now turn to Airbnb, Skyscanner and Booking.com, or download apps such as QuickBooks.
Millions of us watch “Admin routine” YouTube videos and follow “Cleanfluencers”, Marie Kondo disciples who have become famous for their tips on effective life admin management, as well as cleaning.
As Emens points out, “Even people who avoid life admin have some really useful strategies to teach those who get it all done – namely, that there are some tasks you shouldn’t devote masses of energy to, because it’s not an effective use of your time.” In a world where there is more junk life admin than ever before, we all need to get strategic.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Clarence Thomas’s Radical Vision of Race”

On the Court, Thomas continues to believe-and to argue, in opinion after opinion-that race matters; that racism is a constant, ineradicable feature of American life; and that the only hope for black people lies within themselves, not as individuals but as a separate community with separate institutions, apart from white people.
Though Thomas began elementary school in 1954, four months after the Supreme Court declared segregation unconstitutional, he grew up, by his own report, in an “Entirely black environment.” His nickname in the schoolyard and the streets was “ABC”-“America’s Blackest Child.” “If he were any blacker,” his classmates jeered, “He’d be blue.” Color was code for class.
In making sincerity the litmus test of American racism, Thomas took a strand of the black nationalism that influenced his early development and wove it into an entire philosophy of race.
Thomas came to believe that, for the white liberal, offering help to black people was a way to express the combined privileges of race and class.
As he told Juan Williams, who wrote a profile of Thomas in The Atlantic, “The whole push to assimilate simply does not make sense to me.” It is a loss that Thomas has set out-from his early years as a young black nationalist on the left to his tenure as a conservative on the Court-to reverse.
In his memoir, Thomas notes that part of the appeal of black nationalism was tied to his sense, in the wake of the assassinations of Martin Luther King, Jr., and Robert F. Kennedy, that “No one was going to take care of me or any other black person in America.” Eventually, this notion extended to the left.
In keeping with his conservative black nationalism, Thomas sees in such integration real harm to black people.
In 1995, after a lower court argued that “Racial isolation” in education-that is, continuing segregation of black and white schools, without formal state compulsion-was a constitutional injury to black schoolchildren, Thomas took offense.

The orginal article.

Summary of “10 Things Incredibly Likable People Never, Ever Do”

Some people are incredibly likable because of the things they do.
Some people are incredibly charismatic because of the things they do.
Some people are incredibly likable because of the things they don’t do.
Taking responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming others isn’t masochistic; it’s empowering, because then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time.
Talk about how you’ll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.
Yeah, you’ve been around more blocks and climbed more mountains and slayed more dragons.
The higher you rise and the more you accomplish, the more likely you are to think you know everything and to tell people everything you think you know.
When you speak with more finality than foundation, people may hear you but they don’t listen.

The orginal article.

Summary of “The Like Button Ruined the Internet”

A friend of mine was so enamored of Google Reader that he built a clone when it died.
The original Reader was dominated by conversation, much of it thoughtful and earnest.
The way you found out about new comments was similar: You navigated to reader.
In the Google Reader days, when RSS ruled the web, online publications-including blogs, which thrived because of it-kept an eye on how many subscribers they had. That was the key metric.
That’s why so much of what you read today online has an irresistible claim or question in the title that the body never manages to cash in.
People aren’t using my Reader clone as much anymore.
The loping pace of a Reader conversation-a few responses per day, from a few people, at the very best-isn’t much match for what happens on Twitter or Facebook, where you start getting likes in the first few minutes after you post.
The conversations on Reader were very, very good.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Do Certain Sounds Enrage You? Neurologists May Know Why”

Neurologists in the UK have spotted physical differences in the brains of people with this sound-related rage, although whether these differences are the cause or the result of the disorder remains to be seen.
The technical term for that noise-triggered irritation and rage is misophonia.
People who have it experience uncontrollable and intense negative emotions after hearing certain repetitive noises like chewing, lip-smacking, pen-clicking, and foot-tapping.
It’s a relatively new concept within the medical community, although people have been complaining of symptoms for a long time.
People with misophonia had more myelin, or insulation, around the gray matter in their prefrontal cortex.
Hearing the trigger noises caused a spike in activity in both cortices for people with misophonia.
For people without it, activity only increased in the prefrontal cortex.
The trigger sounds also provoked a clear stress response in people with misophonia.

The orginal article.

Summary of “The 5 Years That Changed Dating”

There’s been plenty of hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth over how Tinder could reinvent dating: Maybe it would transform the dating scene into an endless virtual marketplace where singles could shop for each other, or perhaps it would turn dating into a minimal-effort, transactional pursuit of on-demand hookups.
She’s only experienced this kind of creepy or hurtful behavior when she’s dating through apps, not when dating people she’s met in real-life social settings.
Holly Wood, who wrote her Harvard sociology dissertation last year on singles’ behaviors on dating sites and dating apps, heard a lot of these ugly stories too.
After speaking to more than 100 straight-identifying, college-educated men and women in San Francisco about their experiences on dating apps, she firmly believes that if dating apps didn’t exist, these casual acts of unkindness in dating would be far less common.
“We pretend that’s dating because it looks like dating and says it’s dating,” Wood says.
One big challenge of knowing how dating apps have affected dating behaviors, and in writing a story like this one, is that most of these apps have only been around for half a decade-hardly long enough for well-designed, relevant longitudinal studies to even be funded, let alone conducted.
There are equally compelling arguments that dating apps have made dating both more awkward and less awkward by allowing matches to get to know each other remotely before they ever meet face-to-face-which can in some cases create a weird, sometimes tense first few minutes of a first date.
Hodges is relatively new to both Tinder and dating in general; the only dating he’s known has been in a post-Tinder world.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Going Broad-Not Narrow-is the Best Route to Lasting Success”

I get press releases about “Learning hacks” on a weekly basis, which tells me there’s obviously widespread hunger for learning how to learn.
There are a small number of learning techniques that have extremely robust evidence behind them, and that in large part apply to both physical and cognitive learning.
The people studying learning and the people training and teaching seem to be hermetically siloed from one another, so we haven’t implemented those techniques as we should.
There’s no room to go into them in detail here, but I’ll say that the single most surprising study in the book, to me, was conducted at the U.S. Air Force Academy: The Academy provided a unique environment for studying the impact of teaching quality on learning, because students have to take the same sequence of courses and the same tests, and they are randomized to professors, and then re-randomized for each subsequent course, so you can truly track the impact of teaching.
Second, one of my favorite phrases in the book is from Herminia Ibarra, who studied how people find careers that fit them: “We learn who we are in practice, not in theory.” What she means is that there is this cultural notion she calls the “True-self model,” this idea that we can simply introspect or take a personality quiz and learn who we are.
To better understand your strengths, weaknesses, and interests, you actually have to try stuff-in other words, learn who you are in practice.
We don’t take enough time to reflect on what we’ve just done, even though it is a staple habit of the best learners.
Kaggle is a really neat one, that looks for outside solvers for machine learning problems-truly cutting edge stuff where it’s fascinating to see how much outside solvers can add.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Tap into the power to persuade by using these 6 speech techniques |”

There is a secret language of leadership – and it’s one that anyone can learn, says UK speechwriter Simon Lancaster in a TEDxVerona talk.
“The reason we all used to learn rhetoric at school was because it was seen as a basic entry point to society,” explains Lancaster, who is based in London.
Lancaster states there is only one school in England that still teaches rhetoric: Eton, the alma mater of 20 Prime Ministers.
While Lancaster can’t send the world to Eton, he can share the 6 rhetorical building blocks needed to speak persuasively.
Lancaster wants us to pay special attention to the last part of that sentence, the “Two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century” part.
According to Lancaster, people use a metaphor once every 16 words on average.
Rhyming’s appeal comes “Down to what linguists talk about as the processing fluency of language – how easy is language to swallow?” says Lancaster.
These six tricks can help us speak directly to people’s instinctive, emotional and logical brains, and they are extremely effective, says Lancaster.

The orginal article.

Summary of “To Build an Inclusive Culture, Start with Inclusive Meetings”

Meetings are where culture forms, grows, and takes hold.
So it stands to reason that if an organization desires a more inclusive culture – and leaders want to model inclusion – then meetings are the place to start.
Our previous study, an examination of 360-degree feedback collected from over 1,000 female executives, gave us insights into why some people feel shut out in meetings.
Inclusive behaviors in meetings can be wide ranging, from making sure everyone has a seat at the table to giving each person a chance to speak.
The same goes for leaders in meetings – you need to manage conduct and give everyone space to play their part.
Set clear ground rules at the start of the meeting and stick to them.
The same needs to happen for inclusion – we need to insist that it is the standard in meetings and beyond.
Meetings are still the prime venue to build and foster a fully inclusive culture that engages and equips people to do their very best at work.

The orginal article.