Summary of “How to stop apologizing”

Though often attributed to women, apologizing isn’t just a female problem.
What makes some of us fall into this counterproductive habit? It might be performance anxiety, such as our first day on a new job, or when we lack confidence in our ability to run with the “Big dogs.” It’s almost as if we’re apologizing for taking up space, which is no way to make a good impression on a job or with a client.
The over-apology habit may begin innocently when we spontaneously apologize for a real offense.
If you’re constantly apologizing for what you can’t control, try this: “I know I’ve had to reschedule this meeting several times. Thank you for understanding.”
Case study: How to spot when you do need to apologize.
Someone who knows when and how to apologize appropriately has a huge advantage in the empathy column.
Try taking a friend or trusted coworker into your confidence about what you’re trying to accomplish, and agree on a high sign she can give you if she hears you apologizing unnecessarily.
Bottom line: Don’t apologize unnecessarily-know how to recognize when a sincere apology is necessary.

The orginal article.

Summary of “These Apology Critics Want to Teach You How to Say Sorry”

By Saturday, as the public apology cycle dictates, he’d said he was sorry.
A number of people came to her with stories of apologies couched in rationalizations and qualifiers, and, she says, “I realized, people really care about this.” Over the next ten years, the article resurfaced periodically, and a new wave of aggrieved readers reached out to share their apology woes.
“I think that’s why people say ‘That’s not who I am.’ Which is a horrible thing to say in an apology, because either yes, it is who you are, because it came out of your mouth, or that’s not relevant, because we don’t care who you are. We care what you said, and that’s what you owe us an apology for.”
A good apology may be hard to find, but McCarthy and Ingall include them whenever they’re able.
“We also want to point out a good apology. Especially now, we need to feel positive and healing and hopeful about humanity, and good apologies can help you do that.” When I ask for a favorite good apology, McCarthy cites a little-publicized incident from last June, in which a man left an accusatory note on the parked car of a woman he perceived as having unfairly used a veteran’s parking spot.
It’s a great apology: short, but effective – notably, it uses the phrase “I’m sorry” or “I want to apologize” three times.
“We found that an apology with all six components is much more effective at repairing trust than an apology that includes only one component, or some combination of three of the components,” says Polin.
Lest these findings convince anyone a good apology is too much work to be worth it, Polin has also studied the various methods by which a violating entity can repair trust with the victim; the apology is just one way to do this.

The orginal article.