Summary of “Being rational all the time isn’t going to do you any favors”

It’s no surprise that we have started to lean towards pure, rational decision-making, a method of inquiry that thinks more and judges less.
The conclusion is that emotions are outdated, and it’s time we leave them behind.
According to Barrett, the current paradigm that understands our emotions as having distinct expressions, say, like anger, sadness, or happiness, is beginning to show some cracks.
Now, I’m not necessarily suggesting that this contradicts with the work of Kahneman and Tversky, as even if we see our emotions as being more emergent and holistic, for most of us, they do still seem to lean towards the short-term even though the modern world rewards the long-term.
Many small details that we can’t identify directly are missed by the thinking mind but picked up by the intuitive mind, and while these details are small, it doesn’t mean that not accounting for them won’t produce a second or third order effect that completely diverges away from the logic we assumed.
We still have the difficult job of deciding when to reason and when to sense, and in what proportions, but knowing the value of both and honing our emotional landscapes to align with our model of the world as it exists, rather than dismissing them, is a move in the right direction.
In a world where we know we can absorb every single relevant detail from our surroundings so that we can make fully rational choices, this may indeed be the way forward.
If emotions really do act as probability calculators, we have to do our part to refine them and then intentionally involve them into a broader, more complete meta-rationalistic system of decision-making.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Emotional Intelligence: The Social Skills You Weren’t Taught in School”

Most of us aren’t taught how to identify or deal with our own emotions, or the emotions of others.
Emotional intelligence is a shorthand that psychological researchers use to describe how well individuals can manage their own emotions and react to the emotions of others.
People who exhibit emotional intelligence have the less obvious skills necessary to get ahead in life, such as managing conflict resolution, reading and responding to the needs of others, and keeping their own emotions from overflowing and disrupting their lives.
Measuring emotional intelligence is relatively new in the field of psychology, only first being explored in the mid-80s. Several models are currently being developed, but for our purposes, we’ll examine what’s known as the “Mixed model,” developed by psychologist Daniel Goleman.
The order of these emotional competencies isn’t all that relevant, as we all learn many of these skills simultaneously as we grow.
My struggle with depression taught me that some emotions persist long after the overflow.
Some social skills just involve meeting new people , socializing with people of different mindsets , or just playing games.
Resolving conflict can be one of the best ways to learn how to apply your emotional skills.

The orginal article.

Summary of “The Science Behind Happy and Healthy Relationships”

There’s no denying it: making and keeping happy and healthy relationships is hard.
A growing field of research into relationships is increasingly providing science-based guidance into the habits of the healthiest, happiest couples – and how to make any struggling relationship better.
As we’ve learned, the science of love and relationships boils down to fundamental lessons that are simultaneously simple, obvious and difficult to master: empathy, positivity and a strong emotional connection drive the happiest and healthiest relationships.
“The most important thing we’ve learned, the thing that totally stands out in all of the developmental psychology, social psychology and our lab’s work in the last 35 years is that the secret to loving relationships and to keeping them strong and vibrant over the years, to falling in love again and again, is emotional responsiveness,” says Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist in Ottawa and the author of several books, including Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.
According to Carrie Cole, director of research for the Gottman Institute, an organization dedicated to the research of marriage, emotional disengagement can easily happen in any relationship when couples are not doing things that create positivity.
In happy relationships, partners try to empathize with each other and understand each other’s perspectives instead of constantly trying to be right.
Ultimately, the quality of a person’s relationships dictates the quality of their life.
“Good relationships aren’t just happier and nicer,” says Johnson.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Is Your Emotional Intelligence Authentic, or Self-Serving?”

Plenty of research has documented manipulative misuses of emotional intelligence – the intentionally subtle regulating of one’s emotions to engineer responses from others that might not be in their best interest.
The capacity to understand and share others’ feelings creates authentic connection and deepens trust.
Being attuned to the spoken and unspoken concerns of others demonstrates an openness to their views, a willingness to engage ideas different from ours, and honors the courage of others to express divergent perspectives.
Unaware of the tension between a genuine desire to take in others’ views and a need to be right, leaders can feign listening while actually trying to lure others to their side without realizing they’re doing it.
Keenly self-aware leaders detect how others experience them, actively solicit critical feedback from others, and accurately acknowledge their strengths and shortfalls.
Genuinely self-aware leaders face that insecurity head on, and don’t put the burden of soothing it on others.
Our ability to express emotional intelligence is sometimes impaired by unacknowledged, unhealthy, emotional needs.
If you want to genuinely employ effective emotional intelligence skills, pay attention to the unaddressed scars and voids lurking beneath the surface of your inner emotional landscape.

The orginal article.

Summary of “13 Signs of High Emotional Intelligence”

Emotional intelligence begins with what is called self- and social awareness, the ability to recognize emotions in both yourself and others.
What are my emotional strengths? What are my weaknesses? How does my current mood affect my thoughts and decision making? What’s going on under the surface that influences what others say or do?
The ability to show empathy, which includes understanding others’ thoughts and feelings, helps you connect with others.
Negative feedback has great potential to hurt the feelings of others.
Doing so demonstrates humility, a quality that will naturally draw others to you.
One of the greatest ways to positively impact the emotions of others is to help them.
Actions like these build trust and inspire others to follow your lead when it counts.
You realize that emotional intelligence also has a dark side-such as when individuals attempt to manipulate others’ emotions to promote a personal agenda or for some other selfish cause.

The orginal article.

Summary of “This Is How To Increase Emotional Intelligence: 5 Powerful Secrets”

Now most of the work on emotional intelligence has been done around its effects in the workplace but it’ll quickly become obvious how it can improve most any area of your life.
People who have a high degree of self-awareness recognize how their feelings affect them, other people, and their job performance.
I love when people say, “I’m. very emotional. I must have very high emotional intelligence.” Sorry, being very emotional doesn’t make you high in EI; it just makes you a drama queen.
People engaged in such a conversation feel bad moods and emotional impulses just as everyone else does, but they find ways to control them and even to channel them in useful ways.
The ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people.
Skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions.
Emotional empathy: “You feel awful? Then I feel awful too!” Cognitive empathy: “I understand that you are feeling awful. That must suck.” Compassion: “You feel awful? I feel for you. How can I help?”.
Socially skilled people tend to have a wide circle of acquaintances, and they have a knack for finding common ground with people of all kinds-a knack for building rapport.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Happiness Is Not Enough”

The same way you feel hot and cold when you walk outside, your emotions do the same for complex psychological phenomena.
Chances are you’re going to feel some strong emotions like anger, jealousy, and betrayal, among others.
A diverse emotional life isn’t just made up of a few “Good” and “Bad” emotions.
People who practice a wide range of emotions are self-aware enough to know what triggers these emotions and then act accordingly.
What you’ll likely find is that if you’ve denied a certain emotion in yourself for long enough, you’ll actually stop realizing when you’re feeling it.
I’ve talked before about identifying and unfusing from your emotions as one way to become more self-aware and to understand your emotions better.
Learning to identify the emotion and then separating your decision-making from the emotion.
Once you unfuse your emotions from your decisions, it often causes you to experience greater depth and complexity in your emotions.

The orginal article.

Summary of “New Neuroscience Reveals 3 Secrets That Will Make You Emotionally Intelligent”

Her new book How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain turns everything you know about the feels upside down.
It’s a big understatement to say that if the only emotion concepts you recognize are “Me feel good” and “Me feel bad” you’re not going to be very emotionally intelligent.
The more time you take to distinguish the emotions you feel, to recognize them as distinct and different, the more emotionally intelligent you will become.
Similar to the interior decorator, emotionally intelligent people don’t say “Me feel good.” They distinguish between happy, ecstatic, joyful and awesome.
If the only negative emotion concept you have is “Me feel bad” you’re going to have a difficult time making yourself feel better.
If you’re able to distinguish the more specific “I feel alone” from merely “Me feel bad” you’re able to deal with the problem: you call a friend.
In a collection of scientific studies, people who could distinguish finely among their unpleasant feelings- those “Fifty shades of feeling crappy”- were 30 percent more flexible when regulating their emotions, less likely to drink excessively when stressed, and less likely to retaliate aggressively against someone who has hurt them.
So learn new emotion words so you can feel new emotions and increase your emotional granularity.

The orginal article.

Summary of “5 Traits of People With High Emotional Intelligence”

One of the biggest realizations I’ve had in my career is also one of the purest: the simple fact that people are drawn to likable people.
When you look around, you’ll notice that many people don’t make it a priority to learn the habits of likable people.
Whether interacting with customers, vendors, partners or employees, we can all make great strides in our personal relationships and career by raising our emotional intelligence.
Here are five traits shared by people with high emotional intelligence.
When you build better relationships and come across as likable, people tend to share more information with you, make introductions on your behalf and invite you into new opportunities.
They receive the benefit of the doubt If you treat people well, you’ll get the benefit of the doubt.
They possess long-term vision People with high emotional intelligence understand that entrepreneurship is a journey, and that success is a process.
They can read people better People with high EQ foster their natural curiosity, asking questions – and then listening – to get to know people and situations better.

The orginal article.

Summary of “What’s Wrong with Emotional Intelligence”

To teach emotional intelligence in a modern fashion, we need to acknowledge this variation and make sure your brain is well-equipped to make sense of it automatically.
Books and articles on emotional intelligence claim that your brain has an inner core that you inherited from reptiles, wrapped in a wild, emotional layer that you inherited from mammals, all enrobed in-and controlled by-a logical layer that is uniquely human.
To improve our understanding of emotional intelligence, we must discard the idea of the brain as a battlefield.
A reasonable, science-backed way to define and practice emotional intelligence comes from a modern, neuroscientific view of brain function called construction: the observation that your brain creates all thoughts, emotions, and perceptions, automatically and on the fly, as needed.
Emotional intelligence requires a brain that can use prediction to manufacture a large, flexible array of different emotions.
The more emotions that you know, the more finely your brain can construct emotional meaning automatically from other people’s actions.
How do you enable your brain to create a wider variety of emotions and improve your emotional intelligence? One approach is to learn new emotion words.
Two decades ago, when Emotional Intelligence hit the bestseller list, scientists didn’t know about the predicting brain, or that the words you hear affect how your brain is wired, and emotional granularity was only newly discovered.

The orginal article.