Summary of “and learned to refuse invitations without guilt”

To me, there are few things more unendurable than counting down the minutes until you can reasonably leave a party without causing offence.
Lots of introverts become very good at hiding their discomfort, and I was one of them.
Every day, I had to speak to strangers, often asking them extremely personal and probing questions – an odd career choice for an introvert, perhaps, but I am very interested in other people’s lives and I hoped it would help me to overcome my fear.
With my newfound acceptance of being an introvert, I started saying no to things.
No to parties with free booze, bowling with colleagues after work or university reunions.
Here’s the thing: no one notices whether you leave a party early, because you are never as entertaining as you think you are.
Introverts are often unfairly maligned, framed either as troubled loners or posturing snobs.
So please don’t ask me to talk to strangers, or come to a party.

The orginal article.

Summary of “How to Pick a Career”

This post isn’t me giving you career advice really-it’s a framework that I think can help you make career decisions that actually reflect who you are, what you want, and what our rapidly changing career landscape looks like today.
The particulars of your career also often play a big role in determining where you live, how flexible your life is, the kinds of things you’re able to do in your free time, and sometimes even in who you end up marrying.
On top of your career being the way you spend much of your time and the means of support for the rest of your time, your career triples as your primary mode of impact-making.
In the cook-chef post, I designed a simple framework for how a chef makes major career choices.
The overlapping area contains your good career path choices-good arrows to draw on your Career Map.
For a career option to qualify for your Reality Box, your potential in that career area has to measure up to the objective difficulty of achieving success in that area.
If you can figure out how to get a reasonably accurate picture of the real career landscape out there, you have a massive edge over everyone else, most of whom will be using conventional wisdom as their instruction booklet.
Eric Barker’s blog is full of actual data that can help with career choices, like this post on what makes a career fulfilling or this one on the importance of mentors.

The orginal article.

Summary of “The Surprising Power of Simply Asking Coworkers How They’re Doing”

When people feel like they belong at work, they are more productive, motivated, engaged and 3.5 times more likely to contribute to their fullest potential, according to our research at the Center for Talent Innovation.
To better understand the emotional impact of belonging – and its inverse, feeling excluded – we launched the EY Belonging Barometer study, which surveyed 1,000 employed American adults.
The majority of individuals look to their homes first, before their workplaces when it comes to where they feel the greatest sense of belonging.
While the workplace exceeds neighborhood communities and places of worship, many individuals spend most of their time at work, and creating workplace communities where people feel like they belong is imperative.
So how can companies connect more effectively with employees and help them feel like they belong within their workplace community? The results of our survey pointed to one simple solution: establish more opportunities for colleagues to check in with one another.
Being invited to big or external events or presentations by senior leaders, as well as being copied on their emails, was simply less meaningful to employees when it came to feeling a sense of belonging.
Learning how to engage with employees in a way that they feel comfortable is key to creating a sense of community.
If someone shares something that you don’t understand or agree with, you might consider acknowledging their point of view or asking them to tell you more.

The orginal article.

Summary of “A Psychologist Explains How to Beat Social Anxiety”

The Verge spoke with Hendriksen about the most helpful techniques to combat social anxiety, daring to be average, and why most people’s social skills are just fine.
In the early chapters, you define social anxiety as “Self-consciousness on steroids.” Can you be more specific about what that means? What is social anxiety?
That feeling – that urge to hide – is the exact same feeling that one gets with social anxiety, except with social anxiety it’s about our internal self, about our personality or our social skills or simply who we are as a person.
The one thing I always like to add is that social anxiety is a package deal, and it often comes bundled with strengths like high standards and empathy and being helpful and altruistic.
People who have social anxiety are often good listeners and conscientious and they work hard to get along with fellow humans.
Introversion is how you’re wired, whereas social anxiety gets in your way.
Non-anxious introverts are perfectly happy to leave the party early, but people with social anxiety often leave because they feel so worried and want relief.
Anxiety is often vague and says things like “Everybody will hate me” or “Something bad will happen” or “What if something bad happens?” So if we can specify, what exactly we’re afraid of, who exactly would “Hate you,” sometimes that’s enough and we realize that our anxiety is not particularly credible and that the worst-case scenario that it’s spinning and is setting off our alarm bells is not likely.

The orginal article.

Summary of “How to Beat Procrastination”

We might resolve to tackle a task, but find endless reasons to defer it.
We can look and feel busy, while artfully avoiding the tasks that really matter.
How can you become less myopic about your elusive tasks? It’s all about rebalancing the cost-benefit analysis: make the benefits of action feel bigger, and the costs of action feel smaller.
The reward for doing a pestering task needs to feel larger than the immediate pain of tackling it.
We might have “Learn French” on our to-do list, but who can slot that into the average afternoon? The trick here is to break down big, amorphous tasks into baby steps that don’t feel as effortful.
So instead of “Learn French” you might decide to “Email Nicole to ask advice on learning French.” Achieve that small goal, and you’ll feel more motivated to take the next small step than if you’d continued to beat yourself up about your lack of language skills.
You might muster the self-discipline to complete a slippery task if you promise yourself you’ll do it in a nice cafĂ© with a favorite drink in hand.
Sometimes we find ourselves returning to a task repeatedly, still unwilling to take the first step.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Minding the Gap’s Bing Liu on America’s Masculinity Crisis”

Liu filmed most of the footage over a five-year span between 2012 and 2017, but he also draws from a well of archival footage that captures the inexorable loss of childhood.
Whereas in the film I was like, Well, I had the confines and the structure and the purpose of making this film to latch onto, to keep plodding on.
There’s only so much we can fit into a 90-minute film.
So it’s not in the film, but I know that, and maybe other people will pick up on that.
Did filming and observing Zack give you insight into this crisis of masculinity white men seem to be experiencing? Absolutely.
In the climax of the film, Zack talks about why he feels like he has to hide his true self and he has to wear a mask.
You’d have to do another film to know what she thinks about it.
Now the scene where I confront my mom about my last film.

The orginal article.

Summary of “How the Five “Love Languages” Can Help You Win at Relationships”

That’s sort of the idea behind the concept of love languages: they let you in on what makes your partner tick.
The idea is: we all express and feel love differently, and understanding those differences can seriously help your relationship.
His book, Five Love Languages, is admittedly full of cheesy truisms, and it sounds like a bad quiz you’d take in Cosmo.
My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages-five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.
Within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects….The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse.
Beyond fighting less, the concept of love languages is a great for maintaining the relationship, too.
Business Strategist Marie Forleo says the love languages concept is her “Secret weapon” in maintaining a happy team.
Love languages can’t fix everything, of course.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Burned out and overwhelmed: should you embrace the joy of no?”

It is on the cover of two new books, The Joy of No by Debbie Chapman, published at the end of last year, and The Joy of Missing Out, by the philosopher and psychologist Svend Brinkmann, published earlier this month.
As Brinkmann writes in The Joy of Missing Out – his reversal of the Twitter phenomenon #Fomo, the fear of missing out – there is intense and growing pressure to go out more, acquire more, and just be more.
The wish to say no instead of saying yes, to stay in instead of going out, to discard instead of to accumulate – these are all logical responses to our feelings of being overstretched, overtired and overwhelmed.
He says: “I think that once a tendency or a counter-tendency starts to trend in this way, it becomes part of the culture it wants to critique or resist. It enters the circuit of anxiety.” Inevitably we begin asking ourselves, are we saying no enough? Are we missing out enough? Are we not working enough? As we strive to embrace the virtues of restraint, of doing less, of leaving space, we risk destroying that which we seek.
You are missing out on absolutely everything and feeling very smug about it, too.
Such big questions can be addressed by psychoanalysis, says Cohen, since, “Uniquely to itself, it encourages us to ask questions about how we live that we are allowed to sit with, and turn over, and not feel under pressure to resolve. It asks us to be with the question rather than leap to the answer.” He also suggests taking a long walk with no destination in mind, or meeting a friend without a time limit or agenda – in other words, trying to create an expanse in your life that is not hemmed in by time, space, or purpose.
As for #Jono and #Jomo – well, for me, saying no and missing out are not where I find my joy.
Cohen says: “If you read the great poets of joy, like Rilke, they think of joy as something fleeting. There is something sad about it, because one feels its passing as one experiences it – it is not some kind of permanent aspiration, a solid state.” It is a word that loses all meaning when it is part of a hashtagged acronym.

The orginal article.

Summary of “How Leaders Can Open Up to Their Teams Without Oversharing”

We typically find leaders asking themselves how much of their own worries they should reveal when leading their team down a challenging or unfamiliar road. The best leaders are honest about how they feel while simultaneously presenting a clear path forward.
Once you identify your feelings, you need to know how to manage them.
Address your feelings without becoming emotionally leaky.
“The best thing to do is to cop to it. Say to your team, ‘I’m having a bad day, and I’m trying my best not to take it out on you. But if it seems like I’m having a bad day, I am. But it’s not because of you that I’m having a bad day. The last thing I want is for my bad day make your day worse.” You don’t have to go into more detail, but acknowledging your feelings helps you avoid creating unnecessary anxiety among your reports.
A good formula to follow is: “Because of , I’m feeling and. But here’s what I’m planning to do next to make it better:. And here’s what I need from you:. What do you need from me?” This will help you address your anxiety without projecting negative emotions onto your team.
A good rule of thumb for figuring out if you’re about to overshare is to ask yourself: “How would I feel if my manager said this to me?” If it’s something that you’d be thankful to hear, chances are your reports will feel similarly.
If you think members of your team might be feeling anxious about the project, it’s okay to surface those feelings to help them feel less isolated.
If everyone has been working long hours to meet an impending deadline, you might say something like, “I’m feeling a little tired today, but I’m grateful for how well we’ve worked together and that we’re set to send the client a proposal we can all be proud of.” Again, always try to pair realism with optimism, and share when you sense it will be helpful to others.

The orginal article.

Summary of “If Self-Discipline Feels Difficult, Then You’re Doing It Wrong”

We do what feels good and avoid what feels bad. And the only way we can ever NOT do what feels good, and do what feels bad instead, is through a temporary boost of willpower-to deny ourselves our desires and feelings and instead do what was “Right.”
That’s because a) sex feels awesome, and b) we’re biologically evolved to crave it.
You were punished for wanting it, and therefore, have a lot of conflicted feelings around sex: it sounds amazing but is also scary; it feels right but also somehow so, so wrong.
Any non-productive minute feels like an untenable failure.
You wake up early because it feels good to wake up early.
You eat kale instead of smoking crack because it feels good to eat the kale and feels bad to smoke crack.
You stop lying because it feels worse to lie than to say an important truth.
You exercise because it feels better to exercise than it does to sit around, covering yourself in a thin layer of Cheeto dust.

The orginal article.