Summary of “Self-Reliance Is The Secret Sauce To Consistent Happiness”

Even though the purpose of life is not happiness in my opinion, being happy is still something that’s important to us.
When we become adults we should become self-reliant individuals, but funnily enough, we become even more dependent on others.
Otherwise, you become a dependent robot who can’t function by itself.
What you will find next are 6 lessons that can help you to become emotionally self-reliant.
How often do you think or feel something and you’re afraid of speaking it? We feel that we always have to agree with everything and everyone.
It’s always harder to speak your mind and to stand for something.
Once you separate yourself from everything in life, you become a passenger who tries to make the most out of every single minute.
If one thing falls through, don’t worry, do something else with your precious time.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Music, Feeling, and Transcendence: Nick Cave on AI, Awe, and the Splendor of Our Human Limitations – Brain Pickings”

Her contemporary and admirer Walt Whitman considered music the profoundest expression of nature, while Nietzsche bellowed across the Atlantic that “Without music life would be a mistake.” But something curious and unnerving happens when, in the age of artificial intelligence, mathematics reaches its human-made algorithmic extensions into the realm of music – into the art Aldous Huxley believed grants us singular access to the “Blessedness lying at the heart of things” and philosopher Susanne Langer considered our foremost “Laboratory for feeling and time.” When music becomes a computational enterprise, do we attain more combinatorial truth or incur a grave existential mistake?
If we are feeling sad and want to feel happy we simply listen to our bespoke AI happy song and the job will be done.
It is perfectly conceivable that AI could produce a song as good as Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” for example, and that it ticked all the boxes required to make us feel what a song like that should make us feel – in this case, excited and rebellious, let’s say.
It is also feasible that AI could produce a song that makes us feel these same feelings, but more intensely than any human songwriter could do.
Music has the ability to touch the celestial sphere with the tips of its fingers and the awe and wonder we feel is in the desperate temerity of the reach, not just the outcome.
If an AI were to ever sign a letter to a human being who cherishes its music with “Love, Nick,” would that not be a mere simulacrum of the human experience the word love connotes and of the sense of self with which we imbue our own names? Alan Turing laid the foundation for these perplexities with the central question of his famous Turing test – “Can machines think?” – but it is impossible to consider the implications for music without building upon Turing’s foundation to ask, “Can machines feel?” Cave’s insightful point comes down to the most compelling and as-yet poorly understood aspect of human consciousness – the subjective interiority of experience known as qualia.
It is most closely relayed to another consciousness through the language and poetics of art, which Ursula K. Le Guin well knew is our finest, sharpest “Tool for knowing who we are and what we want.” And if Susan Sontag was right, as I feel she was, in insisting that music is “The most wonderful, the most alive of all the arts,” then music would be the art least susceptible to machine creation.
Complement with German philosopher Josef Pieper on the hidden source of music’s singular power and Regina Spektor’s lovely reading of Mark Strand’s poem “The Everyday Enchantment of Music,” then go listen and feel to some AI-irreplicable Nick Cave.

The orginal article.

Summary of “What Is Existential Therapy?”

“Part of the existential is just acknowledging That ship has sailed,” she said.
Existential therapy has slowly been gaining recognition; in 2016, there were 136 existential-therapy institutions in 43 countries across six continents, and existential practitioners in at least 48 countries worldwide.
Recent studies have supported the use of existential therapy for patients with advanced cancer, incarcerated individuals, and elderly people residing in nursing homes, among others; a number of meta-analyses have gathered data on its effectiveness.
When I spoke directly to existential therapists, they reported a significant rise in clients in recent years-and a notable increase in existential distress among them.
In Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl described a similar kind of culture-wide existential hunger.
He called it the “Existential vacuum”: “a widespread phenomenon of the twentieth century,” he wrote, resulting from the technological developments of modern society.
“Such widespread phenomena as depression, aggression, and addiction,” he wrote, “Are not understandable unless we recognize the existential vacuum underlying them.”
Too, is on the rise; a recent survey of 20,000 American adults found that “Most Americans are considered lonely,” and that two-fifths feel they are “Isolated from others.” A new poll from the American Psychiatric Association found that nearly four in 10 U.S. adults are more anxious now than they were at the same time last year.

The orginal article.

Summary of “A Simple Formula for Changing Our Behavior”

I’m always inclined to ask: Why do I react the way I do? The answer is a complicated fusion of reasons including my love for my daughter, my desire to teach her, my low tolerance for messiness, my need to be in control, my longing for her success, and the list goes on.
Because knowing why I act a certain way does not change my behavior.
Practicing a new behavior, showing up in a new way, or acting differently, feels inauthentic.
Changing a dance that’s been danced many times before will never feel natural.
If we want to learn, we need to tolerate the feeling of inauthenticity long enough to integrate the new way of being.
Long enough for the new way of being to feel natural.
Yesterday, my daughter was doing homework late at night and I had to ask her to work in the dining room instead of her bedroom because her younger sister needed to go to bed.
“Sweetie,” I said, “Your sister needs to go to sleep and we need to move you into the dining room. How can I help?” Identify the problem, state what needs to happen, and offer to help.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Here’s What “Millennial Burnout” Is Like For 16 Different People”

I do believe that burnout is a shared, defining generational experience, but that doesn’t mean it works or feels the same way for all millennials – or that it’s limited to people our age.
My parents have worked for the church since before I was born and still work there today.
I’ve been working through the trauma and burnout that religion caused me on and off in therapy for five years.
All the people I talk to just happened into the work they do now.
I found out about burnout from Tumblr, ironically, one day when I was scrolling instead of doing my work.
Because I’m sick, I’m probably not working or working a lot.
Imagine having the idea that you have to work all the time and your body fights you the whole time.
People assume the work you do is not worth the money they are paying for it and that anyone can do your job.

The orginal article.

Summary of “6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal”

Part of the problem is that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture.
Some of these principles actually go against what is traditionally considered “Romantic” or normal in a relationship.
Below are six of the most common tendencies in relationships that many couples think are healthy and normal, but are actually toxic and destroying everything you hold dear.
If both people in the relationship do this it devolves into what I call “The relationship scorecard,” where it becomes a battle to see who has screwed up the most over the months or years, and therefore who owes the other one more.
Why It’s Toxic: The relationship scorecard develops over time because one or both people in a relationship use past wrongdoings in order to try and justify current righteousness.
It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself.
As soon as both people in a relationship become culpable for each other’s moods and downswings, it gives them both incentives to hide their true feelings and manipulate one another.
Buying the Solutions to Relationship ProblemsWhat It Is: Any time a major conflict or issue comes up in the relationship, instead of solving it, one covers it up with the excitement and good feelings that come with buying something nice or going on a trip somewhere.

The orginal article.

Summary of “What Deep Breathing Does to Your Body”

For being free and incomparably easy to practice, deep breathing is a pretty miraculous healing exercise: It can reduce anxiety, bring you into the present moment through mindfulness, and even help you remember how to respond to your specific stressors.
What’s actually going on in the body here? Why, physiologically speaking, does taking a deep breath make me feel slightly less rattled, at least temporarily?
Before understanding deep breathing’s physiological benefits, you first have to grasp how your body responds to stress.
When your sympathetic nervous system fills your body with all that cortisol and adrenaline, you don’t feel so stellar; this is where deep breathing comes in.
To help explain how your body’s relaxation response can oppose its stress response, Esther Sternberg, research director at the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine, uses a car metaphor: If you want to “Reduce” your stress response, in which you directly combat the stressor, that’s like “Taking your foot off the gas.” Instead, Sternberg recommends stopping this response – i.e., putting your foot on the brakes – as it’s much more efficient.
Per Elliott, some EEGs have actually shown that deep breathing can lead to an increase in alpha brain-waves, which are typically present when you’re feeling relaxed, like when you’re meditating or even daydreaming.
Deep breathing can do more than just stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system in the midst of a stressful moment; it can prevent your stress response from overacting in the first place.
To “Overcome the unhealthy day-to-day stress response,” as Elliott puts it, you should practice this type of breathing daily, and not just when you’re feeling stressed.

The orginal article.

Summary of “On the Benefits of a Blue Period”

Negative moods correlated with low life satisfaction only in people who did not perceive adverse feelings as helpful or pleasant.
‘This is because we are often sent messages that we shouldn’t feel negative emotions, so people are highly conditioned to want to change or get rid of their emotions, which leads to suppression, rumination, and/or avoidance.
Sadness is not a hindrance to experiencing positive emotions and – unlike in Western society – there isn’t a constant pressure to be joyful.
In a study published in 2017, Bastian and his colleagues conducted two experiments examining how this societal expectation to seek happiness affects people, especially when they face failure.
‘The idea is that when people find themselves in a context where happiness is highly valued, it sets up a sense of pressure that they should feel that way,’ Bastian told me.
In the second experiment, 202 people filled out two questionnaires online.
The second – in which people were asked to rate sentences such as: ‘I think society accepts people who feel depressed or anxious’ – measured to what extent societal expectations to seek positive feelings and inhibit negative ones affected their emotional state.
‘The point is that when we try and avoid sadness, see it as a problem, and strive for endless happiness, we are in fact not very happy and cannot enjoy the benefits of true happiness.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Pressure Doesn’t Have to Turn into Stress”

Dr. Derek Roger had spent 30 years researching why some people in difficult situations become overwhelmed, while others persevere.
Derek became my mentor, and over the past 10 years we have trained thousands of leaders to overcome their stress.
The process starts with understanding that stress is caused not by other people or external events, but by your reactions to them.
In the workplace, many people blame their high anxiety levels on a boss, job, deadlines, or competing commitments for their time.
Peers who face the same challenges do so without stress.
Derek and I often meet executives who have high levels of pressure but low levels of stress, and vice versa.
While struggling with cancer, it took me a couple of years to train myself to follow these steps.
My stress levels went down, my health improved, and my career took off.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Child holiday anxiety: how to prevent behavior problems at Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Year’s.”

Think about ways you can work routines into your holiday traditions, too-maybe every night before bed your kids get to add a new ornament to the tree or sing a holiday carol together.
The more ways you can incorporate consistency into the holiday season, the more grounded your kids will feel.
Another reason kids act out around the holidays is because we have expectations for their behavior that we haven’t communicated to them.
We expect they won’t make fart jokes at Aunt Gertrude’s and then scold them when they do, but did we ever actually tell them that Aunt Gertrude doesn’t like fart jokes? The holidays are full of strange situations and rituals-“We’re throwing kids into situations that they might not have had a lot of practice for,” says Stephanie Lee, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute’s ADHD and Behavior Disorders Center in New York-so talk with your kids about them beforehand.
Many kids experience a kind of anticipatory anxiety before big events, in which they feel excited but also nervous about what to expect.
Speaking of gifts, how should parents deal with them? Klein says fewer presents are better than more, because kids can get overwhelmed by so much stuff and the anticipation of opening it all.
By getting involved, kids learn how meaningful it is to give gifts and can also imagine how much it would sting if someone rejected a gift they spent time and effort on.
Our kids feel this stress and respond to it-and it shapes how we engage with our kids, too.

The orginal article.