Summary of “Compare yourself to other people without causing psychological damage using a healthy strategy”

A comparison habit can wreak psychological havoc, generating envy and leading to depression, so common wisdom has long warned against it.
Writer Mark Twain once said, “Comparison is the death of joy,” and philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti told admirers, “I never compare myself with anybody, but I learn from everybody, including presumptuous idiots.”
So if you can’t quit, try turning the habit to your advantage by learning from comparisons.
Compare to gain liberating perspective, says Ming Hai, a Zen Buddhist monk and abbot of the Bailin temple near Beijing, China.
On the Aug. 4 episode of his weekly podcast, Shifu Says, the monk discussed comparisons, responding to a query from Peter, a 40-year-old Hong Kong teacher who has started avoiding his materially successful friends because he feels inferior to them.
My job involves constant comparison and it would be totally maddening if I didn’t get a handle on the habit.
Born in the 1970s to a pimp and teenage orphan in Dayton, Ohio, McCormick mastered advantageous comparison, using it to make his way from poverty to wealth.
In his 2017 autobiography I Got There, he explains that by daring to compare, he learned what was possible.

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Summary of “3 ways to get rid of anger, according to neuroscience”

When experimental subjects are told of an unhappy event, but then instructed to try not to feel sad about it, they end up feeling worse than people who are informed of the event, but given no instructions about how to feel.
Bereaved people who make the most effort to avoid feeling grief, research suggests, take the longest to recover from their loss.
Your ability to experience positive feelings goes down – but not negative feelings.
Here’s what’s really interesting: when you suppress your feelings, the encounter gets worse for the angry person, too.
Sharing your feelings with others constructively is a good idea but “Getting it out” tends to snowball your anger.
Accordingly, people can rid themselves from unwanted feelings by engaging in a cognitive activity, such as doing math equations, playing a game of Tetris.
In one of Ochsner’s reappraisal experiments, participants are shown a photo of people crying outside a church, which naturally makes participants feel sad. They are then asked to imagine the scene is a wedding, that people are crying tears of joy.
As opposed to bottling up, when you tell yourself “They’re having a bad day”, angry feelings plummet and good feelings increase.

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Summary of “Tony Robbins explains what anyone should do every day, month, and year”

Performance coach Tony Robbins has seven clients he works with on an individual basis, and each pay him $1 million annually.
Robbins shared some of this advice recently in a peek at his “Unleash the Power Within” event, a three-and-a-half day intensive course designed to give participants an action plan for overhauling their lives.
Robbins streamed over an hour of his talk in front of a sold out crowd in New Jersey’s Prudential Center over Facebook Live, in which he broke down an annual, monthly, and daily exercise.
This is an opportunity for members of the audience to consider enrolling in another Robbins event, but examples for any budget or interest can include a free Codeacademy course to learn a programming language, Spanish classes, or joining a yoga practice.
Robbins told the audience that he has three mentors he goes to for feedback.
What’s crucial, Robbins said, is that your mentor or coach can be totally transparent with you, and never feels the need to skirt around the truth for the sake of your feelings.
Robbins created a 10-minute daily exercise called “Priming,” based on techniques found in yoga and Buddhist mindfulness meditation.
Robbins does three sets of 30, with a brief break in between each set, but you can begin with three sets of 10 and work your way up.

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Summary of “9 Hard Things You Have to Do to Move Forward with Your Life”

Maybe it’s the life lessons I was forced to learn the hard way, or the toll of loss and failure I had recently endured, but a decade ago, in the midst of a panic attack on my 27th birthday, I had to admit to myself right then and there that the youthful world of possibility I once felt now seemed dead inside me.
You have to admit, you’ve spent a lot of your life subconsciously belittling yourself.
Being able to distinguish needs from wants is essential in every walk of life.
Never let go of an outcome you truly need in your life, but be reasonably flexible on the outcomes you want but could live fine without.
Constantly criticizing yourself is just as counterproductive as doing nothing, because you will never be able to build new positive changes into your life when you’re obsessively focused on your flaws.
Yes, being grateful seems simple enough, but a grateful state of mind is unbelievably hard to maintain when life disappoints us.
Thus, thinking about others instead of oneself helps solve feelings self-consciousness and inadequacy, which in turn makes you feel a lot less broken and alone when you’re struggling to move your life forward.
What else would you add to the list? What’s one hard thing you do that has helped you move your life forward? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

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Summary of “How to Feel Progress Jocelyn K. Glei”

When we think about progress, we often imagine how good it feels to achieve a long-term goal or experience a major breakthrough.
If you want to feel progress, you have to track it.
How can I create a feeling of progress? Is it possible to break this project down into smaller pieces? What are the metrics & milestones that really matter?
It’s worth noting that I am also tracking all of these items in a Google spreadsheet, but having a digital document gives me zero feeling of progress.
We need to see our progress, writ large in the physical world, to feel it.
Of course, you needn’t create a roadmap this complex or neurotic to feel a sense of progress.
The core idea here is thinking about how you can break projects down into smaller tasks, track metrics that have real meaning, and document your progress as you go.
The difference between one outcome and the other is as simple as sorting out how to track the right kind of progress.

The orginal article.

Summary of “What’s the Point of Self-Improvement Anyway?”

The whole point of pursuing happiness is to reach the point where one no longer has to think about being happy.
Self-improvement junkies feel like they need to jump on every new seminar, read all the latest books, listen to all the podcasts, lift all the weight, hire all the life coaches, open all their chakras, and talk about all their childhood traumas – both real and imagined – incessantly.
For the self-improvement junkie, the purpose of self-improvement is not the improvement itself, rather it’s motivated by a subtle form of FOMO. The junkie has this constant gnawing feeling that there’s still some magic tip or technique or piece of information out there that will create their next big breakthrough.
Self-improvement for the junkies becomes a kind of glorified hobby.
Remember, the paradoxical point of all self-improvement is to reach a point where you no longer feel you need to improve yourself.
The constant indulgence in self-improvement material just continues to feed that feeling of inadequacy.
It’s fine to indulge in self-improvement material as long as you understand your relationship to it.
Because the only way to truly benefit from self-improvement is to one day arrive at a place where you no longer need it.

The orginal article.

Summary of “How to Get Out of Your Head and Stop Overthinking Everything”

I tried meditating but would spend ten agonizing minutes trying desperately to push my thoughts away or make them stop, which we know is impossible.
The uninformed might think that only “Negative” overthinking is the problem.
In desperation, I learned how to smother my thinking.
It’s an understanding that’s completely changed my life, about how our thinking is separate from who we truly are.
If you’re able to observe the fact that you’re overthinking, then you’re already noticing the separation of you and your mind.
What I’ve realized is that I don’t have to stop thinking, I simply need to be selective about whether I believe my thinking.
This flood of thoughts that invaded my mind each time she ventured out would always be there, but it was my choice whether I took them seriously or not.
The rest of the time I either consciously change my thinking direction toward better feeling thoughts, or I just let my mind waffle on, without paying attention.

The orginal article.

Summary of “The 12-Hour Goodbye That Started Everything”

Our talk moved from his car to sitting lakeside near my house, after which I had to meet friends for dinner – a previously planned engagement that became an awkward confession of the day’s events.
I woke up the next day with regret that I had spent so many hours ending things, for believing a person could be talked into feeling something he didn’t.
“How do you expect to feel connected to me if you don’t feel connected to yourself?” I asked.
As days turned into weeks and then months of silence, I began to move through a fog of my own, deeply questioning the masks people wear, the parts of our interiors that can be seen by others only if we choose to reveal them.
While we were together, I had anxiety attacks every day, though I never mentioned them while dancing across the kitchen to offer him oven-baked salmon and glasses of wine.
I’m not sure if we fall in love with people or if we fall in love with the way they make us feel, the ways they expand who we are and wish to be.
Shortly after starting my new role, I went back to my therapist and told her: “It’s been a year since we broke up. I thought my dream job and exercise would heal me, but I still think about him every day. What more can I do to let go?”.
“You met a person who awoke something in you. A fire ignited. The work is to be grateful. Grateful every day that someone crossed your path and left a mark on you.”

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Summary of “Forget Happiness. Focus on Unhappiness.”

The only point she tries to hit home is that the unwanted and the unexpected doesn’t always have to be that bad.The phenomenon that she’s talking about is actually fairly common, and it’s based on how the brain reframes stressors.
Although a concrete strategy for happiness is almost impossible to identify and even harder to generalize for a large body of people, there is sense in using what we know about our brain to give us insight on how we can limit unhappiness in our lives.
The only problem is that we’re not always good at imagining how we will feel about something in the future.
The primitive parts of our brain that influence emotions don’t imagine how future us will feel about something, but they imagine how present us feels.
Almost nothing is as bad you think it is when you’re thinking about it, and it’s probably not the end of the world if things don’t turn out exactly how you ideally imagined.
How You Feel Depends on How You RespondIt’s one thing to imagine and fear trauma, but it’s an entirely different thing to experience it.
How you respond will affect how you feel, and how you feel will ultimately determine whether or not you’re unhappy with your life at large.
How we make sense of such events is through subjective experience.

The orginal article.

Summary of “What to Do When Your Heart Isn’t in Your Work Anymore”

What if they’re not? What if you’re stuck in a job or a career that you once loved, but your heart isn’t in it anymore?
According to a 2017 Gallup survey, only one-third of U.S. employees feel engaged at work; that is, only one of three workers brings a consistently high level of initiative, commitment, passion, and productivity to their job.
You might question the ultimate meaning of the work you’re doing.
According to research by Yale professor Amy Wrzesniewski, people tend to fall into one of three categories: Some see their work as a career; others see it as just a job; and still others see it as a calling.
Even if you don’t find your true calling, you will at least increase the odds of finding a meaningful work experience.
What novel tweaks can you make to redesign your job, even slightly? Sometimes even the smallest adjustments can lead to qualitatively meaningful changes in your work experience.
Having an outlet for your passion outside of work can counterbalance the monotony of nine-to-five daily work.
These inspirational endeavors can even have unintended positive spillover effects at work, giving you energy and inspiration to craft your job or reengage with parts of work you actually like.

The orginal article.