Summary of “The Guide to Strong Boundaries”

PSA: Setting strong personal boundaries are not a cure-all for your relationship woes.
People with high self-esteem have strong personal boundaries.
Practicing strong personal boundaries is one way to build self-esteem.
It’s a hallmark of a codependent relationship and usually represents two people incapable of strong personal boundaries.
It’s like an addiction they fulfill in one another, and when presented with emotionally healthy people to date, they usually feel bored or a lack of “Chemistry.” They’ll pass on healthy, secure individuals because the secure partner’s solid boundaries will not excite the loose emotional boundaries of the needy person.
A person with strong boundaries understands that it’s unreasonable to expect two people to accommodate each other 100% and fulfill every need the other has.
A person with strong boundaries understands that they may hurt someone’s feelings sometimes, but ultimately they can’t determine how other people feel.
A person with strong boundaries understands that a healthy relationship is not controlling one another’s emotions, but rather each partner supporting each other in their growth and path to self-actualization.

The orginal article.

Summary of “The 200 Best Songs of the 2010s”

“Cranes” is a soft-power anthem for frightening times, noncoercive yet still inspiring.
It’s the product of Solange working through the trauma, sadness, and disappointment of being a black woman in this society.
There’s so much space around Solange’s calm, and the song’s jazzy, soulful rhythms are carefully selected to evoke a whole history of black musicians, black culture, and black spirituality.
At a time when power is something loud and dangerous and brash, “Cranes in the Sky” is an atypical song of revolution.
It’s a New Yorker’s goodbye to New York, an overdue star’s coming-out party, and a warning to herself.
Celebrated French-Canadian producers Lunice and Jacques Greene make cameos in the unforgettable black-and-white video, but only cameos: “212” felt like pure Banks, the unfiltered arrival of a fiery new voice.
“If I listen closely. I can hear the sky falling, too.” What an unprecedented act of bravery in the history of black music, of queer music, of all music; he opened the door so that we could at once pour ourselves into his light.
It was the lens through which we listened to Channel Orange, and no song echoes the love, the glow, the tectonic impact of Frank Ocean more than “Thinkin Bout You.”.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Romantic Regimes”

Together, these forces lead to the establishment of what we can call romantic regimes: systems of emotional conduct that affect how we speak about how we feel, determine ‘normal’ behaviours, and establish who is eligible for love – and who is not.
Unlike all previous lovers who ran amok and acted like lost children, the new romantic hero approaches his emotions in a methodical, rational way.
One of the greatest payoffs of doing The Rules is that you grow to love only those who love you.
In the Regime of Choice, the no-man’s land of love – that minefield of unreturned calls, ambiguous emails, erased dating profiles and awkward silences – must be minimised.
According to the polemics that Kipnis develops in Against Love, the only suffering the Regime of Choice recognises is the supposedly productive strain of ‘working on a relationship’: tears shed in the couples therapist’s room, wretched attempts at conjugal sex, daily inspection of mutual needs, the disappointment of a break-up with someone who is ‘not good for you’.
From the perspective of the Regime of Choice, the heart-broken Emmas, Werthers and Annas of the 19th century are not simply inept lovers – they are psychologically illiterate, if not evolutionarily passé.
Show me almost any romantic movie and I’ll show you a desperate and needy character who treats themselves like dog shit for the sake of being in love with someone.
Illouz, a professor of sociology at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem, has argued persuasively that the individualistic appeal of the Regime of Choice tends to cast the desire for commitment as ‘loving too much’ – that is, loving against one’s own self-interest.

The orginal article.

Summary of “The Four Desires Driving All Human Behavior”

Anyone who has much to do with children knows how they are constantly performing some antic, and saying “Look at me.” “Look at me” is one of the most fundamental desires of the human heart.
Love of power is closely akin to vanity, but it is not by any means the same thing.
What vanity needs for its satisfaction is glory, and it is easy to have glory without power Many people prefer glory to power, but on the whole these people have less effect upon the course of events than those who prefer power to glory Power, like vanity, is insatiable.
Love of power is greatly increased by the experience of power, and this applies to petty power as well as to that of potentates.
In any autocratic regime, the holders of power become increasingly tyrannical with experience of the delights that power can afford.
Since power over human beings is shown in making them do what they would rather not do, the man who is actuated by love of power is more apt to inflict pain than to permit pleasure.
A thinker of exceptional sensitivity to nuance and to the dualities of which life is woven, cautions against dismissing the love of power as a wholesale negative driver – from the impulse to dominate the unknown, he points out, spring such desirables as the pursuit of knowledge and all scientific progress.
Complement Nobel Writers on Writing with more excellent Nobel Prize acceptance speeches – William Faulkner on the artist as a booster of the human heart, Ernest Hemingway on writing and solitude, Alice Munro on the secret to telling a great story, and Saul Bellow on how literature ennobles the human spirit – then revisit Russell on immortality and why science is the key to democracy.

The orginal article.

Summary of “The Art of Being Alone: May Sarton’s Stunning 1938 Ode to Solitude”

“Oh comforting solitude, how favorable thou art to original thought!” wrote the founding father of neuroscience in his advice to young scientists.
The poet Elizabeth Bishop believed that everyone should experience at least one prolonged period of solitude in life.
For in true solitude, as Wendell Berry so memorably observed, “One’s inner voices become audible [and] in consequence, one responds more clearly to other lives” – an intuitive understanding of what psychologists have since found: that “Fertile solitude” is the basic unit of a full and contented life.
In the neutral state of aloneness, the psychoemotional line between solitude and loneliness can be as thin as a razor’s edge and as lacerating to the soul.
How to draw it skillfully in orienting ourselves to the world, exterior and interior, is what poet, novelist, and memoirist May Sarton explores in a beautiful poem she penned ten days after her twenty-sixth birthday, decades before she came to contemplate solitude in stunning prose.
For whom the heart has cried, for whom the frail hand burns)Is swung out in the night alone, so luminous and still,The waking spirit attends, the loving spirit gazes.
Without communion, without touch, and comes to know at last.
Complement with Louise Bourgeois on how solitude enriches creative work, Virginia Woolf on the relationship between loneliness and creativity, and Olivia Laing’s masterwork on the art of being alone, then revisit other readings of beautiful poems of existential radiance: Derek Walcott’s “Love After Love,” Wisława Szymborska’s “Life-While-You-Wait,” Jane Kenyon’s “Having It Out With Melancholy,” and Adrienne Rich’s “Planetarium.”

The orginal article.

Summary of “What makes dogs so special and successful? Love.”

From the point of view of those of us that are in the science of studying dogs, the idea that it’s affection and not intelligence that’s the secret ingredient that makes dogs successful is quite a radical idea.
I’m just saying there’s enough similarity between how dogs form strong emotional bonds and how people form strong emotional bonds that it’s fair enough to use the love word.
Q: You write about many studies that show dogs behaving as though they love us.
Pretty much all dogs look very, very upset, and what appears to be happening is that all the dogs are disturbed, but only about one-third can figure out what needs to be done.
We got DNA samples from those dogs and wolves, and we identified three genes that show the mutation in those genes [is] responsible for a big difference between dogs and wolves in their gregariousness.
A: It’s not the case that dogs have special genes or special capacities to form relationship with humans.
So a nearby farmer who had dogs guarding his free-range chickens suggested putting dogs out on the islands to guard the penguins.
The dogs were put with penguins when they were puppies, so now the dogs form warm, strong emotional bonds with penguins and follow the penguins around and keep the foxes away.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Philosopher Erich Fromm on the Art of Loving and What Is Keeping Us from Mastering It”

“To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love,” the great Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh admonished in his terrific treatise on how to love – a sentiment profoundly discomfiting in the context of our cultural mythology, which continually casts love as something that happens to us passively and by chance, something we fall into, something that strikes us arrow-like, rather than a skill attained through the same deliberate practice as any other pursuit of human excellence.
That’s what the great German social psychologist, psychoanalyst, and philosopher Erich Fromm examines in his 1956 masterwork The Art of Loving – a case for love as a skill to be honed the way artists apprentice themselves to the work on the way to mastery, demanding of its practitioner both knowledge and effort.
Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one’s capacity to love.
The only way to abate this track record of failure, Fromm argues, is to examine the underlying reasons for the disconnect between our beliefs about love and its actual machinery – which must include a recognition of love as an informed practice rather than an unmerited grace.
The first step to take is to become aware that love is an art, just as living is an art; if we want to learn how to love we must proceed in the same way we have to proceed if we want to learn any other art, say music, painting, carpentry, or the art of medicine or engineering.
Maybe, here lies the answer to the question of why people in our culture try so rarely to learn this art, in spite of their obvious failures: in spite of the deep-seated craving for love, almost everything else is considered to be more important than love: success, prestige, money, power – almost all our energy is used for the learning of how to achieve these aims, and almost none to learn the art of loving.
In the remainder of the enduringly excellent The Art of Loving, Fromm goes on to explore the misconceptions and cultural falsehoods keeping us from mastering this supreme human skill, outlining both its theory and its practice with extraordinary insight into the complexities of the human heart.
Complement it with French philosopher Alain Badiou on why we fall and stay in love and Mary Oliver on love’s necessary madnesses.

The orginal article.

Summary of “17 Daily Habits My Dad Insists Will Make You Happier and More Successful”

My dad has enjoyed business success as a lawyer who built his own firm, and who has worked for himself since the early 1970s.
They’re devoted to their grandchildren, and moreover my dad is a man who enjoys both his work and the rest of his life.
My dad went on to offer four daily habits, each of which made great sense to me, and which I know he’s backed up with experience.
There are many different kinds of love, and here my dad is talking about showing respect and concern for the people you spend your days with.
“Get the rest you need. Your body needs sleep-not just ‘rest and relaxation’-for it to work well,” my dad insists.
My dad’s sport is swimming, and while he came to it late, my dad has the zeal of a convert.
A few years ago he did a half-mile open water swim off the beach in Narragansett, R.I. Regardless of what sport or activity works for you, my dad advises, your day will be improved if you do something athletic.
In a few weeks, guess what I’ll get my dad for Father’s Day: a book, most likely something on the top of the New York Times nonfiction bestseller lists.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Jack Conte, Patreon, and the Plight of the Creative Class”

Six years later, who does Patreon serve best? Some 125,000 creators use the service, and according to the data-tracking site Graphtreon, they draw in more than 5 million pledges monthly.
The most popular musician on Patreon is the extremely online singer­-songwriter Amanda Palmer, who has more than 15,000 patrons and doesn’t disclose her earnings.
In predicting whether an artist will succeed on Patreon, Conte says, “The most important thing isn’t media or genre or platform-it’s how much do you love your fans, and how do they love you back? Are you making a thing that gives people all the feels, and do they just fucking love you?” This is not strictly a matter of artistic merit.
“Arguably, her fans think she makes great art. But does she love her fans, and do they love her back? I don’t know.” By and large, he says, Patreon privileges those creators who tend toward higher-­frequency output and whose fans regard them as dear friends.
These days, the range of people who want to cultivate audiences on Patreon extends far beyond bedroom musicians.
Within the span of a week in 2017, Patreon shut down the accounts of both a far-right Canadian YouTuber named Lauren Southern and an anarchist news site called It’s Going Down; both had been the targets of coordinated campaigns flagging them for violations of Patreon’s community guidelines.
People on the left accused Patreon of shuttering It’s Going Down just for the sake of balance, to appease trolls on the right.
Last December, after Patreon booted another right-wing account for violating community guidelines against hate speech, prominent right-leaning figures like Jordan Peterson and Sam Harris left the platform in protest of its supposed left-leaning political bias.

The orginal article.

Summary of “My Love Affair with Chairs”

The chairs in my life love me, and I honestly can’t blame them.
I will love Vivian long after she is gone or long after I am living with new couches and chairs to fall in love with.
You should get to know who or what you are spending hours sitting atop out of courtesyFor the long-term chairs in my life, we establish ground rules very quicklyFor the temporary chairs it is like speed dating.
Rolling desks chairs are fun for the obvious reasons – I have never met a person who didn’t love to spin in them – but those chairs also never cared how I looked, didn’t watch my confusion about how to navigate a room.
Despite my love for her, I was so embarrassed of my rolling desk chair back then, like the teenager of a parent who tries too hard to be cool when dropping his kid off at school.
Sometimes my beloved chairs are not enough to heal me and I have to pull out of things that I would have loved to participate in otherwise.
If there is anything CP has given me that is good, it is the opportunity to meet and fall in love with new chairs and new seats, to get to know them on first sit-dates as we discover what level of comfort will be offered to my body and how long the comfort will last.
The love is new and therefore I see no fault in the chair that I have chosen, ignoring red flags like their color, thin cushioning, or rickety legs.

The orginal article.