Summary of “Burned out and overwhelmed: should you embrace the joy of no?”

It is on the cover of two new books, The Joy of No by Debbie Chapman, published at the end of last year, and The Joy of Missing Out, by the philosopher and psychologist Svend Brinkmann, published earlier this month.
As Brinkmann writes in The Joy of Missing Out – his reversal of the Twitter phenomenon #Fomo, the fear of missing out – there is intense and growing pressure to go out more, acquire more, and just be more.
The wish to say no instead of saying yes, to stay in instead of going out, to discard instead of to accumulate – these are all logical responses to our feelings of being overstretched, overtired and overwhelmed.
He says: “I think that once a tendency or a counter-tendency starts to trend in this way, it becomes part of the culture it wants to critique or resist. It enters the circuit of anxiety.” Inevitably we begin asking ourselves, are we saying no enough? Are we missing out enough? Are we not working enough? As we strive to embrace the virtues of restraint, of doing less, of leaving space, we risk destroying that which we seek.
You are missing out on absolutely everything and feeling very smug about it, too.
Such big questions can be addressed by psychoanalysis, says Cohen, since, “Uniquely to itself, it encourages us to ask questions about how we live that we are allowed to sit with, and turn over, and not feel under pressure to resolve. It asks us to be with the question rather than leap to the answer.” He also suggests taking a long walk with no destination in mind, or meeting a friend without a time limit or agenda – in other words, trying to create an expanse in your life that is not hemmed in by time, space, or purpose.
As for #Jono and #Jomo – well, for me, saying no and missing out are not where I find my joy.
Cohen says: “If you read the great poets of joy, like Rilke, they think of joy as something fleeting. There is something sad about it, because one feels its passing as one experiences it – it is not some kind of permanent aspiration, a solid state.” It is a word that loses all meaning when it is part of a hashtagged acronym.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Understanding Speed and Velocity: Saying “NO” to the Non-Essential”

Understanding the difference between speed and velocity will change how you work.
I once worked for someone who offered me the opportunity to work on a new project nearly every day.
Over my first seven years, I’d barely leave my desk, working 12- to 16-hour days for six days a week.
Offers of work are good problems to have.
A lot of people struggle to find work, and here I was, a few weeks out of university, saying no to my boss.
I took a two-thirds pay cut to work for the government so I could work with incredibly smart people on a very narrow skill.
“Instead of asking how many tasks you can tackle given your working hours,” writes Morten Hansen in Great at Work, “Ask how many you can ditch given what you must do to excel.” I did what I needed to do to keep my job.
Think of it this way: I want to get from New York to L.A. Speed is flying circles around Manhattan, and velocity is hopping on a direct flight from JFK to LAX.”People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying ‘no’ to 1,000 things.”

The orginal article.

Summary of “Every Yes Is Also a No”

It’s easy to see why: saying no to something unimportant gives you more time to spend on things that are.
When you say no to something, what exactly are you saying yes to?
While I originally put these photos here because they’re nice to look at, over time, they’ve turned into a reminder of what I’m saying no to when I say yes to something else.
Every time I say yes to traveling somewhere, I say no to spending time with the people in those picture frames.
These are what you say no to when you say yes to working late, watching Netflix, and using your smartphone in bed.
These are what you say no to when you say yes to unnecessary projects, checking your email superfluously, or agreeing to an unnecessary meeting.
You make more intentional decisions when you consider what you’re saying no to when you say yes to something else.
Make sure the things you say yes to are both meaningful and valuable-because every yes is also a no.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Understanding Speed and Velocity: Saying “NO” to the Non-Essential”

Understanding the difference between speed and velocity will change how you work.
I once worked for someone who offered me the opportunity to work on a new project nearly every day.
Over my first seven years, I’d barely leave my desk, working 12- to 16-hour days for six days a week.
Offers of work are good problems to have.
A lot of people struggle to find work, and here I was, a few weeks out of university, saying no to my boss.
I took a two-thirds pay cut to work for the government so I could work with incredibly smart people on a very narrow skill.
“Instead of asking how many tasks you can tackle given your working hours,” writes Morten Hansen in Great at Work, “Ask how many you can ditch given what you must do to excel.” I did what I needed to do to keep my job.
Think of it this way: I want to get from New York to L.A. Speed is flying circles around Manhattan, and velocity is hopping on a direct flight from JFK to LAX. “People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying ‘no’ to 1,000 things.”- Steve Jobs.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Ten phrases smart people never say”

These phrases carry special power: They have an uncanny ability to make you look bad even when the words are true.
No matter how talented you are or what you’ve accomplished, there are certain phrases that instantly change the way people see you and can forever cast you in a negative light.
These phrases are so loaded with negative implications that they undermine careers in short order.
Saying it’s not fair suggests that you think life is supposed to be fair, which makes you look immature and na├»ve.
These overly passive phrases instantly erode your credibility.
Even if you follow these phrases with a great idea, they suggest that you lack confidence, which makes the people you’re speaking to lose confidence in you.
There will always be rude or incompetent people in any workplace, and chances are that everyone knows who they are.
These phrases have a tendency to sneak up on you, so you’re going to have to catch yourself until you’ve solidified the habit of not saying them.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Why Can’t People Hear What Jordan Peterson Is Actually Saying?”

My first introduction to Jordan B. Peterson, a University of Toronto clinical psychologist, came by way of an interview that began trending on social media last week.
The Peterson interview has so many moments of this kind that each successive example calls attention to itself until the attentive viewer can’t help but wonder what drives the interviewer to keep inflating the nature of Peterson’s claims, instead of addressing what he actually said.
“Women deeply want men who are competent and powerful,” Peterson goes on to assert.
Peterson: I’m not saying that they should put up with it! I’m saying that the claim that the wage gap between men and women is only due to sex is wrong.
The interviewer seemed eager to impute to Peterson a belief that a large, extant wage gap between men and women is a “Fact of life” that women should just “Put up with,” though all those assertions are contrary to his real positions on the matter.
Peterson: I’m saying it is inevitable that there will be continuities in the way that animals and human beings organize their structures.
Where did she get that extreme “And there’s nothing we can do about it”? Peterson has already said that he’s a clinical psychologist who coaches people to change how they related to institutions and to one another within the constraints of human biology.
Almost all of the most inflammatory views that were aired in the interview are ascribed by Newman to Peterson, who then disputes that she has accurately characterized his words.

The orginal article.