Summary of “A Psychologist Explains How to Beat Social Anxiety”

The Verge spoke with Hendriksen about the most helpful techniques to combat social anxiety, daring to be average, and why most people’s social skills are just fine.
In the early chapters, you define social anxiety as “Self-consciousness on steroids.” Can you be more specific about what that means? What is social anxiety?
That feeling – that urge to hide – is the exact same feeling that one gets with social anxiety, except with social anxiety it’s about our internal self, about our personality or our social skills or simply who we are as a person.
The one thing I always like to add is that social anxiety is a package deal, and it often comes bundled with strengths like high standards and empathy and being helpful and altruistic.
People who have social anxiety are often good listeners and conscientious and they work hard to get along with fellow humans.
Introversion is how you’re wired, whereas social anxiety gets in your way.
Non-anxious introverts are perfectly happy to leave the party early, but people with social anxiety often leave because they feel so worried and want relief.
Anxiety is often vague and says things like “Everybody will hate me” or “Something bad will happen” or “What if something bad happens?” So if we can specify, what exactly we’re afraid of, who exactly would “Hate you,” sometimes that’s enough and we realize that our anxiety is not particularly credible and that the worst-case scenario that it’s spinning and is setting off our alarm bells is not likely.

The orginal article.

Summary of “NPR Choice page”

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Summary of “NPR Choice page”

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The orginal article.

Summary of “NPR Choice page”

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Summary of “How Not to Care When People Don’t Like You”

Plus, it’s empowering not to fear being disliked-not that you should run around violating social norms, but when you’re not wasting energy molding your personality to someone else’s to be accepted, you’re more likely to find people who genuinely like you for you, and those relationships are far less exhausting to keep up.
The people who dislike you don’t think certain facets of your personality jibe with theirs; sometimes, you just don’t offer them enough social capital to be worth their time.
“Because we’re a very social species with a pretty intense dominance hierarchy, especially when it comes to work, and sometimes in social situations, people make specific strategic alliances and switch alliances as it suits them to meet their needs as they define them,” Verdolin says.
The patient’s anxiety was manifesting in such a way that he had difficulty relating to people in a social setting, but because our own egos tend to protect us from our faults, he wasn’t aware of his bad habits.
“Some people are very welcoming and some people are not,” Verdolin says.
Even if you find yourself on the outs with some folks, chances are, you’ve at least got a few people you can rely on when you’re feeling low.
“Spending time with people that care about you can boost your self-esteem and help you to feel more secure,” Brotheridge says.
“If people are jealous or whatever, all feelings are welcome.” You don’t need to go around antagonizing people, but if someone doesn’t like you and the feeling is mutual, you don’t necessarily have to go out of your way to appease them, either.

The orginal article.

Summary of “‘You will have an emotional reboot’: the ultimate guide to stress at every age”

Major stressors in this age group include marital conflict, violence in the home, violence in the community, problems with parental mental health – a mum or dad who is depressed – maltreatment and disciplinary behaviours that become punitive.
Commonly known as the sandwich generation, many in this age group will care for both teenage children and ageing parents.
As Jonathan Rauch, author of The Happiness Curve: Why Life Gets Better after 50, points out, in this age group “It’s perfectly natural to go through an emotional reboot”.
For those who are feeling discontented, he points in his book to research that shows that after the age of 50 stress levels begin to drop.
Friendship groups at this age may be decimated by ill health and death.
Rauch, 58, is finding this age “a great period for relaunch. Our values change. We put less emphasis on ambition and more on relationships, other people, which is very rewarding.” Finding new routines helps.
“One of the great things about old age is that you can fail and it’s not going to destroy you.”
According to Alex Bailey, a doctor in the old age faculty at the Royal College of Psychiatrists, fear of death is not a big problem.

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Summary of “NPR Choice page”

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Summary of “Social media can predict what you’ll say, even if you don’t participate”

The average social media user has a 5,000-word vocabulary, so choosing at random from among that would be an entropy of a bit more than 12.
To see how these concepts worked in the world of social media, the researchers turned to a database of about 14,000 Twitter users who collectively produced more than 30 million tweets.
A stronger social tie tended to mean a stronger contribution to predictability.
If a person leaves a social network, but their history remains, then it should be possible to reconstruct their social network and analyze it to get some understanding of the person who has tried to become more anonymous.
If you can reconstruct a person’s offline relationships and find them on social media, then it’s possible you could learn something about a person who has never joined the service.
As the authors of the paper describe it, “If an individual forgoes using a social media platform or deletes their account, yet their social ties remain, then that platform owner potentially still possesses 95.1 3.36% of the achievable predictive accuracy of the future activities of that individual.”
This doesn’t indicate that we can predict much about a person other than their more probable social media posts, more specifically responses to the social media posts of their connections.
Given that everyone from marketers to Russian intelligence agencies seem to be interested in figuring out users’ social media proclivities, the finding that you don’t even have to be on social media to have them draw inferences isn’t especially comforting.

The orginal article.

Summary of “Facebook Block: I Cut Facebook Out of My Life. I Missed It”

Originally, I just planned to block myself from using Facebook the same way I’d blocked myself from using Amazon, by routing all my internet traffic through a virtual private network controlled by the technologist Dhruv Mehrotra, who is prohibiting my devices from communicating with the 122,880 IP addresses controlled by Facebook.
The Amazon block took out whole websites and services for me, but that’s not the case with Facebook, because it doesn’t control the building blocks of the internet.
The vast majority of Facebook’s requests are likely its attempts to track my movements around the web, via Like and Share buttons, Facebook Analytics, Facebook Ads, and Facebook Pixel.
Facebook Pixel, if you haven’t heard of it, is a little piece of code that a company can put on its website-say, on a particular sneaker page that you look at while signed into Facebook on your work computer.
Cutting Facebook out of my life is easy technically; Dhruv’s IP address block works well.
The first day of the Facebook block is Halloween, which is particularly hard because I can’t post cute photos of my 1-year-old, Ellev, dressed up as Boo from Monsters Inc. And I can’t find out what my friends are dressed as unless I individually text or email them, which is weird.
If you give up Facebook and all the companies it owns, you’re cut off from participating in your community, whatever your community may be.
Freedom From Facebook has been pushing the Federal Trade Commission to treat Facebook like a monopoly and break it up.

The orginal article.

Summary of “The Urge to Share News of Our Lives Is Neither New nor Narcissistic”

While we pine away for that perfect Snapchat filter or track our likes on Instagram, the mobile phone has become a vortex of social media that sucks us in and feeds our narcissistic tendencies.
In the 18th and 19th centuries, as secular diaries became more popular, middle-class New Englanders, particularly white women, wrote about their everyday lives and the world around them.
Diaries are not the only media that people have used to document lives and share them with others.
Together, they suggest that we have long used media as a means of creating traces of our lives.
Building on a 20th-century broadcast model of media, today’s social media platforms are, by and large, free to use, unlike historical diaries, scrapbooks and photo albums, which people had to buy.
In these cases, Kodak had access to all of the traces, or memories, of its customers but the company didn’t commodify these traces in the ways that social media platforms do today.
The company didn’t give it away in exchange for mining their customers’ traces to sell ads targeted at them in the way that social media platforms use our traces to target us today.
The urge to be present on social media is much more complex than simply narcissism.

The orginal article.